Note: The following article is rated PD (Possible Drooling). Reader discretion is advised.
It all started after being enrolled at Plymouth University in 1997. I remember walking into the Students’ Union and suddenly stopping in my tracks as I beheld the most beautiful piece of technology ever! – a chocolate vending machine. Okay, you have to understand that I was coming from Nigeria where vending machines were mostly stocking canned soft drinks. My heart leapt as I confirmed from the chinking in my pocket that I had some loose change to throw into the coin slot. The whole experience for me was like a day at Disneyland (don’t ask me why). It was kind of fun watching the digital screen display with flashing messages (for example, ‘Make your selection’), then waiting to hear the thump of your chocolate bar in the collection slot. Of all the candy bars that were displayed I can safely say I have lost count of all the ’35pences’ I threw into any vending machine that stocked my favourite chocolate bar – SNICKERS!
You see, that chocolate-peanut-nougat combo did something to my insides that I’m guessing was similar to having an orgasm (I wouldn’t know for sure…I’m a man). I had a Snickers bar Monday to Friday in between lectures. To make matters worse, one of my classmates also shared this addiction. If you ever walked past us sometime in the afternoon you would almost certainly see us each munching on a Snickers bar (I’m sure students must have been calling us the Snickers Brothers behind our backs).
One fateful day, however, when he pulled out the Snickers from his knickers (he was actually wearing jeans but I couldn’t resist the rhyme) I noticed it was bigger than mine! Now, my friend was a very ‘chilled out’ type of guy and he had this habit of giving slowly uttered short answers…specifically two words at most. So you can imagine his response when I asked him what the hell he was eating – ‘King…size’. I went on to ask him what was so special about it and he responded, ‘Very…filling’. I couldn’t believe my ears! I was suddenly inches away from Snickers Heaven. That is just like Marlboro making cigarettes that are 2-inches longer – Smokers Heaven. Anyway, my addiction grew worse as I had gone from spending 35 pence to 50 pence. Not only was I digging a hole into my pockets but unknown to me I was also digging a hole in my tooth.
After my stint with the evil dentist I stayed off Snickers for almost 10 years. Sadly, I gave in just a week ago when I was paying for some groceries at my local supermarket. There it was… staring at me from the mini-stand at the checkout till. I could’ve sworn the Snickers bar was singing the words of Mariah Carey’s song, ‘Thank God I found you’. I’m back on the addiction full-time now and it appears nothing can stop me. You’ve seen the tagline – HUNGRY? GRAB A SNICKERS! (So I’m going to obey my hunger and grab a Sprite too while I’m at it!)
Me: So what do you think?
My Snickers brother: Good…article
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